Coke Idol - Roll up for the ultimate high in wannabee TV. With your host Jeremy Head

Yes, welcome to Coke Idol - the super-addictive TV wannabee show with an extra twist. Instead of taking unknowns and making them famous, we take real popstars and give them the chance to be dried out nobodies. One lucky Coke Idol will be given an all-expenses paid detox week at the Priory - the perfect opportunity to be treated like a normal, sane person. No fans, no agents, no drugs, just good wholesome food and counselling. And of course... we'll also arrange a criminal record contract for them too.

Coke Idol Two - Shaun Ryder
Excess All Areas: Our second Coke Idol is famed for his drug intake. His band the Happy Mondays' early albums like Bummed and Pills, Thrills and Bellyache were all recorded with the help of ecstasy. He got bored of E and coke was a natural progression. In Barbados to record their 5th album Yes Please Ryder did 30 rocks of crack coke in one go. A truly staggering quantity.

Creative High: "I'm tanning the stuff man," he said, as the rest of the band waited for hours whilst he sat on the toilet scribbling lyrics and smoking crack. "I want a different buzz for this record," he told them. He later admitted: "I wasn't writing, I didn't give a fuck." The resulting album was rumoured the most expensive indie album ever. It bombed.

Rock Bottom: NME described the Mondays as "glue-sniffing Wombles", "working class zeroes". The Mondays were finished - but Ryder seems able to control his drug use in a way few other Cokestars can. He checked into a £10,000 a week rehab clinic in Chelsea. Three years later he rose from the ashes, unrepentant with new band Black Grape and the ironicly titled album It's Great When You're Straight. If Ryder is still twisting your melon, man - vote Coke Idol Two!

© Jeremy Head 2003

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Total words: 2000
Available for syndication to non-UK territories (email:syndication@jeremyhead.com)


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